


Three Men Walked Into a Bar

by Draycevixen



Category: Life on Mars (UK), The Professionals
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, First Time, M/M, Rare Pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-05
Updated: 2010-06-05
Packaged: 2017-10-09 22:39:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/92352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draycevixen/pseuds/Draycevixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four men meet in a Mancunian pub.</p><p>Written to answer prompts from my lovely mates, Mikes_grrl, Halotolerant and Severinne</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Men Walked Into a Bar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [halotolerant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/halotolerant/gifts), [mikes_grrl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikes_grrl/gifts), [severinne](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=severinne).



.

The job over, Bodie had nodded toward a nearby pub and Doyle had readily agreed. Bodie had headed back to the Gents and Doyle had ordered their pints from the Jamaican barman, force of habit making him turn to keep an eye on a motley group of drunks huddled around some tables in the corner. There was a young floppy haired bloke dancing with a short middle-aged woman to music apparently only the pair of them could hear and while she smacked him in the arm a time or two she didn't seem to be trying that hard to get him to stop. Another one of them was throwing his weight around and being loud about it but he didn't fool Doyle for a moment. The obvious chief of this particular tribe was the camel hair coated monolith brooding in the corner, the answer obvious in the empty seat to either side of him in a pub so crowded that lots of people were standing up. As he watched, the monolith straightened suddenly and Doyle realized it was in reaction to the slightly built short-haired man who'd just come through the door. As Doyle's eyes met the new arrival's he saw the man's eyes widen in shock. Doyle wasn't at all surprised when he ignored the drunks and came right over to him at the bar.

"Aren't you Martin Shaw?"

"Sorry, you're mistaken mate." Doyle didn't see any harm in it so he put out his hand. "Name's Doyle, Ray Doyle."

The man took his hand and shook it vigorously, before dropping it with an obvious reluctance. Doyle thought he heard him mumble "makes as much sense as everything else does" but in the noisy pub he couldn't be sure. Doyle waited a minute and then asked:

"And your name?"

"Sorry, it's been a long day. Tyler, Sam Tyler. Can I buy you a drink Mr. Doyle?"

"Thanks" Doyle saluted him with his pint glass "but I just got one and Ray'll do."

Sam stood there smiling at him with a manic grin that would have put a five year old at Christmas to shame. Behind Sam, Doyle could see that the monolith hadn't taken his eyes off them.

"So, you here on a job for CI5?"

Doyle's eyes narrowed. "Why are you asking?"

Sam threw both hands up in a conciliatory manner.

"It's all right I'm a D.I. with the Manchester police force."

Sam gestured toward his pocket and after Doyle nodded he pulled out his warrant card and showed it to him. Doyle leaned back against the bar.

"So how did you know I was with CI5?"

Sam stepped forward, resting his hand on the bar scant inches away from Doyle's left elbow.

"We'd heard your mob was in the city and with the description I'd heard..." Sam leaned in closer "It couldn't have been anyone but you, not with that arse..."

Sam let his eyes roam over Doyle's body.

"It's the eighth wonder of the world."

Doyle saw Sam start and turn quickly toward Bodie that same manic grin breaking out again across his face as he stood there staring at Bodie.

"Bodie! You're Bodie!"

"And you're barking up the wrong tree mate."

Bodie eased back to lean on the bar beside Doyle, elbowing him gently.

"Can't take you anywhere can I?"

"And we can't let this one out on his own, keeps forgetting who his friends are. I'm DCI Gene Hunt this one's Guv and who the hell are you?"

As the monolith's hand descended heavily on to Sam's shoulder Doyle saw that manic grin vanish as rapidly as it had appeared.

 

~0~0~0~

 

Pushed backwards, Bodie landed hard on the bed, the springs protesting loudly.

"Christ Sam, how long's it been for you?"

Sam moved in quickly, straddling Bodie's knees and hovering over him, twisting his hands in to the sheets on either side of Bodie's shoulders.

"I've wanted you since I was twelve."

"You what?"

"I want you... twelve... months... It's been a year."

"Surprised you haven't exploded."

Sam continued to hover, staring down at Bodie with limpid eyes. Bodie shifted.

"Look I know I'm tall, dark and beautiful although I'm generally too modest to admit to it but after getting me up here under false pretences are you just going to stare at me all night? 'Cos I can get all of that I need from Doyle."

Bodie reached up and pulled Sam down against him.

"Not that he stares at me in quite the same way you do."

"How's that then?"

"Like I'm the last steak in the butcher's shop window."

Bodie smirked up at him and Sam responded with his own blindingly manic grin. He just couldn't believe it. Bodie, who'd appeared in more of his teenage fantasies than anyone else, even after _The Professionals_ had stopped airing on the telly was lying underneath him pushing his hips up against Sam's crotch. Sam lowered his mouth to Bodie's and started trying to eat him from the mouth down.

Sam had struggled to tug off Bodie's polo neck jumper, reluctant to break contact with the sensitive skin he'd already discovered under Bodie's ear for long enough to do it. Bodie had removed Sam's shirt by the simple expedience of ripping it open causing the buttons to fly everywhere. For once Sam easily resisted the urge to stop and pick them up. He slid further down Bodie's torso, nipping and sucking at his nipples and biting at his sides and belly button, before rubbing his cheek in a cat-like fashion against Bodie's cloth covered straining erection. _Grey moleskins_. Bodie was even wearing _the_ grey moleskin trousers. Sam hadn't thought about them in years, but they were the ones Bodie always wore to begin with in his teenage fantasies. Sam wasn't sure what new drugs they were trying on him but if he ever made it back home he planned on thanking the doctors for this particular set.

"Sam, you didn't fall asleep did— Fuck!"

Bodie's words cut off as Sam turned his head suddenly and mouthed Bodie's erection through the material leaving a damp spot, not just of his own doing, over Bodie's crotch. Sam raised his head and undid Bodie's flies, peeling his tight trousers and briefs down over his hips, releasing Bodie's cock. As Bodie started to reach for him, Sam swallowed his cock causing Bodie to drop back against the bed as he licked Bodie's cock in broad swipes, swirling his tongue over the head like it was a sherbet dab and... no, he wasn't going to think about sherbet dabs. Bodie grabbed Sam's shoulders and pulled him back from his cock.

"Stop Sam." Bodie locked eyes with him. "I think I'm going to fuck you and that you're really going to like it."

Sam leaned over the side of the bed, reaching under it before dropping a tube of lubricant on to Bodie's stomach.

"Funny, apart from being tall, dark and beautiful you're also obviously a mind reader because I think so too."

Bodie flipped Sam over and started undoing his trousers.

 

Somehow they'd ended up in the middle of the floor, sticky with sweat, lube and come... Something about Bodie needing better traction to do his best work. Sam was struggling to stay awake, afraid that when he woke up again Bodie would be gone. Actually it was inevitable that Bodie would leave as Sam had seen the look on Doyle's face as they'd left the Railway Arms.

"So why aren't you with Doyle?"

Sam cringed when he realized what he'd just blurted out.

"'Cos you flashed your pretty little arse at me and asked me to come home with you." Bodie yawned. "Why d'you ask?"

"So he doesn't mind then, you doing other blokes?"

"Oh I'm sure he would mind... if he wanted me himself. He's got a nasty temper has our Raymond." Bodie rolled over and started to slide his hand slowly down Sam's chest. "Thing is, Doyle's straight enough you could use him as a ruler."

"Funny that, the fans always thought you were a couple."

Bodie's hand stopped moving. "What?"

"I said I... fancied that you were a couple."

"Forget Doyle, I'm going to." Bodie's hand continued on its downward path. "Mark my words by now he's buying drinks for some lucky bird."

 

~0~0~0~

 

Doyle took another swig from the bottle in the brown paper bag and leaned back against the bonnet of the Cortina. The moonlight reflecting in the canal somehow softened the industrial surroundings. He wondered where Bodie was... no, he knew where Bodie was, who he was with and what he was doing. Doyle just didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to think about how it might have been different... No.

He took another drink and passed the bottle over to Gene Hunt who took his own long drink before settling back.

"How long have you worked with the fairy then?"

Doyle turned and glared at Gene. "Bodie's not a fairy."

"Right, my DI keeps telling me the right word is gay... so how long have you worked with the gay—"

"He's not gay. He likes women too."

"Hardly seems fair that as good looking as he... as Sam seems to think he is."

"There's this doctor I know, she says we're all products of our environment. That means—"

"I know what it means."

Gene took another drink and handed the bottle back. Doyle tipped it up to his mouth thinking back to the pub, how Sam had made jokes at Gene's expense while Sam flirted with Bodie. Doyle had thought at the time that Gene was just too stupid to know what Sam was doing.

"So you understood—"

"I like to let Sam think he's smarter than me, it keeps him calm else he's a right nutter... bloody good DI though... So what sort of doctor is she?"

Doyle tapped the side of his head.

"That explains why it's utter bollocks then. If I were a _product of my environment_ I'd be a drunk, wife-beating drug addict."

Gene reclaimed the bottle and took another drink. Doyle, who had turned to look at him, watched him swallow and grinned.

"Glad to see you avoided that then. Anyway, Bodie joined the Merchant Navy then he was a mercenary, then in the army, then in the SAS. All that time in the company of men and—"

"Again, utter bollocks. You either fancy a cock up your jacksie or your cock up some other bloke's jacksie or you don't. Like your Bodie—"

"Not _my_ Bodie."

"He would be, given half the bloody chance, the way he looks at you."

"You're wrong." Doyle crossed his arms.

"Suit yourself. Anyway, like I was saying, just like Bodie, I always fancied both."

Doyle almost fell off the bonnet. "_You?_"

"Surprised you? Good. Time I grew up in, my life would have been over if I'd fucked blokes and life were bad enough already. Luckily I liked women as well so I stayed on that side of the fence... most of the time."

"So why aren't you doing your DI?"

For a couple of minutes of tense silence as Gene shifted around beside him Doyle didn't think he'd get an answer.

"I'm married... was married. Me wife only left me a couple of weeks ago."

"So why not now?"

"Because he's my DI and I'm his Guv."

"He'd have to look up to you for you to be taking advantage of him, like that kid Chris does... You're just scared he'll say no."

"Apparently he likes them pretty."

"Oh he's interested in you, mate, make no mistake. He may have been flirting with Bodie but he was too anxious about making sure you were hearing it. Anyway, Bodie's irresistible... or so he keeps telling me."

"So why not _your_ Bodie?"

"I'm straight, never been interested in blokes... and when he asked me six months ago I turned him down."

"And he hasn't asked again?"

"Why would he?"

"'Cos he might have been chatting up Sam but you were the one he kept finding excuses to touch... and you might fool your Bodie but the look on your face when he left with Sam? You want him in that _I'll rip your fucking balls off if you look at someone else_ sort of way. So he wants you and you want him. What's the hold up?"

"I'm still not sure about the sex part."

"And that's another load of bollocks. The way you dress, the way you move you know your appetites and enjoy them and all. You wouldn't be looking at him that way if you didn't know you want him. Scared yourself aren't you? This'd all be really funny if it wasn't so bloody stupid."

Gene stood upright suddenly.

"Look, you hungry? There's a good Indian place two streets over, we could walk there... and then tomorrow you can load your pretty Bodie into your poncey Capri and get him out of my bloody city."

Gene stuck out one gloved hand and Doyle shook it.

"You're on, Gene."

 

~0~0~0~

 

"Tyler! Lost and Found, now!"

 

"You bellowed Guv?"

Gene grabbed Sam and threw him up against the wall. Sam found himself instinctively bracing for the stomach punch that didn't come. He opened his eyes only to find Gene's face scant inches away from his own, his hands still twisted in to Sam's lapels.

"You little prick! What was last night all about then?"

Gene could see the resolve in Sam's face as his eyes and mouth narrowed in that way that telegraphed he was about to go ballistic.

"You fucking homophobic bas—"

Sam's words were cut off as Gene surged forward, his mouth taking Sam's roughly, his hands loosening to slide down to cup Sam's arse and then to drag him in hard against his erection. As Sam started to respond to the kiss, Gene wrenched his head back.

"Does this" Gene ground his hips again against Sam's "feel like I'm homophobic?"

Sam was just staring at him glassy eyed. Gene raised one hand to cup Sam's chin.

"I asked you a question, Sam."

"No, it doesn't."

"You got any objections, speak now."

"No, not a one."

Gene patted him lightly on the face before easing back from him. "Good." He walked over to the door of Lost and Found, turning to look back at Sam while adjusting himself to a more comfortable position in his now too tight trousers.

"Come round my house tonight, seven o'clock. Bring a takeaway. I'll take care of the afters... if you're lucky."

"I feel lucky Gene."

"You should, Sammy, you should."

Gene didn't think he'd ever forget the grin on Sam's face.

 

~0~0~0~0~

 

Bodie looked up from the hotel bath tub to see Doyle leaning against the door frame. For once, it was difficult to tell exactly what mood Doyle was in.

"So did you have a good night?"

It was 8:00am in the morning, Bodie had only managed to sleep for a couple of hours on the floor of one of the most depressing bedsits he'd ever been in and he just wasn't up to working out a cleverly evasive answer to Doyle's question.

"Yeah it was all right."

"I was hoping it was better than all right."

"You what?"

Bodie wondered for a moment if he was actually still asleep on the bedsit floor. Ray was behaving strangely and Sam had been odd enough to last Bodie a lifetime on that front.

Doyle crossed the room rapidly and went to his knees at the side of the tub reaching out one hand to tightly grip the side of Bodie's neck. The look on Doyle's face was so intense that it crossed Bodie's mind just for a moment to wonder if Doyle was going to ram his head into the side of the tub.

"I said I was hoping that it was better than all right, that it was bloody spectacular in fact."

Bodie was now awake enough to get angry. He wrenched his neck out of Doyle's hold.

"It was bloody good if you must know. Is that what you wanted to hear Ray, do you want the details as well, want to know how—"

Doyle shut Bodie up by kissing him thoroughly, before pulling back, leaving both of them breathing heavily.

"Thing is Bodie I hope it was spectacular because it was your last time fucking a strange man."

"_You're_ pretty bloody strange."

Bodie reached out and pulled Doyle into him, leaning over the side of the tub to get at him, kissing him hard before trailing his mouth down Ray's neck and biting him. Again Doyle pulled back, sliding his hand slowly down Bodie's chest and by-passing Bodie's straining cock before cupping his balls.

"You need to think about this Bodie, because if this happens, that's it. I'm not the type to share."

He tightened his grip slightly, not enough to do any damage but enough to make Bodie wince.

"I told Sam—" Bodie's words broke off as Doyle's hand again tightened slightly "that you've got a nasty temper and that if you wanted me I'd know it."

"Well I have and I do" Doyle flexed his fingers again "and someone told me recently that I looked at you like I'd rip your fucking balls off if you even looked at someone else and he was right."

Doyle was almost blinded by the force of Bodie's shit-eating grin that greeted those words. As Bodie started leaning forward again Doyle released his balls in order to stop him with a hard hand to the chest.

"No loopholes, Bodie. No women either, just you and me, right?"

"Forsaking all others?"

"Yeah, that."

Doyle's lean forward was in turn stopped by Bodie's own hand pushing against Doyle's chest, leaving a damp imprint on Doyle's shirt.

"Only if it goes both ways. Does it, Ray?"

"Course it does." Doyle caught hold of Bodie's hand. "Course I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing here, so you'll have to show me."

Doyle sucked Bodie's index finger into his mouth, locking eyes with him. Bodie gasped.

"Lucky for me then that you're a fast learner."

Bodie grabbed him, pulling Doyle over the edge of the tub and down on top of him causing water to erupt out of the tub and cascade on to the bathroom floor.

Neither of them paid it any attention at all.

 

~0~0~0~0~

 

"Bodie! I thought it was you."

"Nice to see you, Sam."

After a moment's awkward pause they shook hands.

"When I heard Mr. Cowley was coming up here I thought I might see you again. It's been what, six months?"

"About that." Bodie looked around them. "Look, don't take this the wrong way Sam but my... partner Doyle is here and I don't think he'll be very happy if—"

"If what, Bodie?"

Doyle had suddenly appeared out of the crowd at Bodie's right elbow.

"Sam." Doyle exchanged nods with Sam but Bodie noted that no handshake was offered.

"I didn't know Sam was going to be here Doyle, I swear—"

"You're not a fucking idiot Bodie so stop sounding like one." Doyle nudged Bodie with his shoulder. "Cowley's up here to talk to senior Manchester policemen, of course we were going to bump in to Sam. In fact I was hoping to see—"

Doyle's facial expression slid quickly from irritation to delight as he looked over Sam's shoulder.

"Gene!"

Gene stepped past Sam to engage with Doyle in the handshaking, arm thumping, back slapping sort of greeting men usually reserved for the mate who'd given them a kidney.

"So you ready to get that drink Ray?'

"Yeah, we're done here. Murphy and Anson are watching the Cow so we can leave right now if you want, perhaps go to the Golden Pavilion first, I'm hungry."

Gene and Ray were walking away, Gene's arm thrown casually across Doyle's shoulders in a matey fashion, before Bodie and Sam could even pick their jaws up off the floor. Bodie turned to Sam.

"What's the Golden Pavilion?"

"An Indian restaurant. Gene only ever takes his best mates there... or his lovers."

"They didn't..."

"They wouldn't... would they?"

They stared at each other in horror. Gene and Ray stopped walking and Gene turned around.

"So are you two going to stand there looking like a right couple of twonks or are you coming with us?"

Sam and Bodie hurried over to join them. As they walked across the car park to the Cortina, Bodie managed to get Doyle to lag a little behind the other two.

"So how d'you know Gene?"

"We've kept in touch."

"What?"

"The night you and Sam" Doyle stared at Gene's back and lowered his voice "fucked each other's brains out—"

"Can't you let that go Ray? We weren't—"

"No we weren't which is the only reason why you're still alive." The accompanying glare stopped Bodie dead in his tracks. "That night Gene and I got drunk down by the canal and then had dinner at the Golden Pavilion."

"And?" Bodie looked like he was bracing for impact.

"And nothing. We talked, mostly about you and Sam, what we wanted and how to get it. You should really be grateful to Gene." Doyle glanced around briefly before running a fast hand over Bodie's arse. "He talked me in to you."

"Hey Gene!"

Gene turned around to look at Bodie.

"Dinner's on me."

.


End file.
